Least

THIS. So damned much.

"I swear I’ve been least expecting it for years."

Yoghurt and other announcements

I notice I nowadays tend to post much of pictures, quotes and other stuff made by someone other than me. I somehow feel sorry for that, but the case usually is that I just cannot find a place more suitable to put these things to, and I very much feel like they need to be posted here.

Oh my, writing the last sentence, I just spilled some yoghurt on my pants.

Anyway, I will be wanting to begin this autumn very much free of any man I already know. Probably also free of any new men. I just want to shake off the weigh of any previous and/or imaginary crush. I from now on want to be free. I want to stop thinking 'what if' because if any of these people were right for me there would be no need to think 'if'.

So I'll still be alone and a bit desperate but hopefully even slightly less miserable.

I've been sheldonized

Sheldon Cooper: I believe I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship. 
Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm listening. 
Sheldon Cooper: With the understanding that nothing changes, whatsoever. Physical or otherwise. I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend. 
Amy Farrah Fowler: Interesting. Now, try it without the quadruple negative. 
Sheldon Cooper: You're being impossible. 
[Amy leans over to Stuart] 
Amy Farrah Fowler: Hi, Stuart! 
Sheldon Cooper: Fine! 
[Amy leans back again] 
Sheldon Cooper: Amy... Would you be my girlfriend? 
Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes. 

I have recently finished watching all the seasons of The Big Bang Theory. I cannot help wondering how it is possible that even Sheldon Cooper finds a soulmate, when at the meantime I myself lie around alone watching this series. Hell, much of the time I'm naked and I got popcorn so you'd think someone would consider me the perfect woman. You'd think.......

Also, when will I learn to write dialogue that'd be as sparkly as in TBBT? But this is not a blog for rant about any other topic than oldmaidness. Thus I will remain silent on this topic.

I have settled a movie date for myself for next wednesday. ALONE. I'm planning to watch What to Expect When You're Expecting, only to drool over Matthew Morrison whilst crying about the fact I'll never be expecting.

"i love it! it reminds me of you." (said a friend)

A way out?

I just need a hug.

Someone to make me feel safe, someone to take care of me, someone who'd promise it's going to be allright

because today, once again, I'm back in the dark place inside my chest and don't seem to find a way out.

Wedding ideas

Occasionally, I come up with incredibly great ideas about my imaginary never-to-actually-become-reality wedding.

Yesterday, I got this idea that instead of a horse carriage, I and my husband could use a tortoise carriage, drawn by a giant turtle. And the reception could be just around the corner from the church, but it'd still take, like, hours for us to get there because the turtle would be so goddamn slow! Wouldn't that be hilarious! No one could start eating or anything before we'd get there! And they'd just be angry and awkward!

Also, what about telling about the wedding so cryptically that hardly any guest would actually find their way there?

Or what if everyone should tattoo our names on their chest in order to get in? To make sure every guest actually loves us enough to deserve a place in the festivities? Now I'm just coming up with these ideas as I write. And I never run out of them!

Also, wouldn't it be awesome if the ceremony would begin with some show wrestling, and the announcer would announce that as a prize, the winners will be getting married - and then it'd be plotted so that we'd win and then as winners we'd walk down the aisle.

And they'd play The Imperial March instead of the basic wedding marches. Or then just some unbelievably awkward song. Maybe even Nyan Cat. Wouldn't that make us walk faster.

My long-lived dream has also been that instead of throwing rice, everyone would throw cheetos on us newlyweds.

I don't even get why I ain't getting married. Why don't anyone want to make use of these great wedding ideas with their original planner? I mean, go fuck your american rustique vintage dream castle. Maybe I should begin a career as a wedding planner. With all these awesome ideas, I'd figure I'd do pretty well, maybe even well enough to be able to marry someone who wants to marry my money.

wtf

Is it sad to feel like I might just be in OKCUPID ENEMIES if only I used said date site?

Plus, the deeper I go with my thoughts of dating, the more unsure I am whether I even could handle that shit. I mean, at the same time I'm utmost dependant and extremely anti-social. This leads to weird situations, people. This leads to being weird and isolated by choice - both my own choice and that of the public.

I clearly don't seem to find anything legitimate to say so I'll just end this tragicomic post here.

An open letter to my co-blogger

Hello, Ling.

As much I love our desperate conversations and how you always are there to listen to my angst, I have grown to understand that you'd rather be in a relationship with a nice guy than spending time with me being all angsty and stuff.

At the same time, I know you for some weird reason seem to like me as a person. Thus, I figured, maybe you should just find a guy who shares some of my good characteristics but not any of the unwanted ones. So what about a deal: next time I see someone who resembles me a little bit in a good way but also seems balanced, I tell you about it and you can go ahead and get to know that person?

Then you could think you basically are spending time with me, and not feel guilty at all for not actually spending time with me.

So I just saw this person who has a jacket that is remarkably similar to mine and who wears his hair the same way as I do. But, contradictory to my case, he might actually be social and nice. Who knows, anyway. Go get him. Or someone else. Whatever.

With Love,
Yours Truly

PS. Please do not welcome this advice. It would be super creepy. Like, extra super creepy. And I could not come to your wedding or anything, because it would just be so creepy. Please just try and find someone who is as far from me as possible. (That also increases the possibility of you having a happy marriage.)

"I think I will"

This post is all about that picture and I'm certain that if I ever tried online dating I'd end up on OKCUPID ENEMIES or something like that.


PS. Okay gotta tell you this. A 35+ drunken man tried to talk to me at a bar around 3 am after being turned down by a dazzling colleague of mine. So basically, that's the most male interest I've got, like, ever.
Anyhow, I wasn't quite that desperate...

idon'teven

Hey world,


are you fucking serious with this shit?????

Let me tell you what: every-damned-one else is finding someone these days. And when I say everyone I mean all the universally friendzoned guys and even sixty-something relatives. I mean everyone but me. SERIOUSLY.

You have no goddamned idea of what it feels like to be an adult and have as much relationship experience as an average 7-year-old.

NO ONE has ever looked at me like I was the most important thing in the world. NO ONE has ever turned to see me another time. NO ONE has ever noticed I exist. NO ONE has ever liked my smile, or my laugh, or anything I say.

I'm the friendzoned girl, except that I even am outside the friendzone. I'm not in any zone.

You. Have. No. Fucking. Idea.


...and I just don't get what the big deal is, what is so wrong with me, because most days when I look in the mirror I don't look that bad, okay I might not comb my hair daily and I don't wear makeup and I'm not thin, but some days I look good, so it's not only about looks, and thus it must be about me being a horrible person.

I don't get it

fuck you