Yesterday, I got this idea that instead of a horse carriage, I and my husband could use a tortoise carriage, drawn by a giant turtle. And the reception could be just around the corner from the church, but it'd still take, like, hours for us to get there because the turtle would be so goddamn slow! Wouldn't that be hilarious! No one could start eating or anything before we'd get there! And they'd just be angry and awkward!
Also, what about telling about the wedding so cryptically that hardly any guest would actually find their way there?
Or what if everyone should tattoo our names on their chest in order to get in? To make sure every guest actually loves us enough to deserve a place in the festivities? Now I'm just coming up with these ideas as I write. And I never run out of them!
Also, wouldn't it be awesome if the ceremony would begin with some show wrestling, and the announcer would announce that as a prize, the winners will be getting married - and then it'd be plotted so that we'd win and then as winners we'd walk down the aisle.
And they'd play The Imperial March instead of the basic wedding marches. Or then just some unbelievably awkward song. Maybe even Nyan Cat. Wouldn't that make us walk faster.
My long-lived dream has also been that instead of throwing rice, everyone would throw cheetos on us newlyweds.
I don't even get why I ain't getting married. Why don't anyone want to make use of these great wedding ideas with their original planner? I mean, go fuck your american rustique vintage dream castle. Maybe I should begin a career as a wedding planner. With all these awesome ideas, I'd figure I'd do pretty well, maybe even well enough to be able to marry someone who wants to marry my money.
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