Leaking eyes

I've recently been reading, uh, the internet. Like, news and stuff. News about people dying in horrifying car accidents and trains crashing into walls. You know what I'm talking about. People die every day.

I'm human and I kind of feel sorry for all the people involved in each of these cases, but the biggest issue for me has become

FEAR.

I. Am. Paranoid. I hardly let my boyfriend go to work because I am terribly afraid that he won't return to me alive, ever again. I am severely afraid of losing him permanently.

When I was single, I was like, jeez I wouldn't like to die now. And that was it. But now my happiness depends on someone else than myself staying alive, and that's much harder to control, plus if I died I wouldn't care anymore because I'd be dead BUT if my darling one dies I will be left here to, well - probably die of sorrow. Or worse: not die but live to suffer for years to come.

How do people deal with this?

I feel like every moment spent apart from my loved one is a moment kind of wasted. Not that I didn't like hanging around alone. It's just that, should he die next week, I'd regret not spending all my time with him. I just want to hold him tight until we both are over a hundred years old and can simultaneously die and then, hopefully, go to heaven together. I want to get the most out of it now that I got something worthwhile.

Plus, if I ever make the mistake of listening to Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt, my eyes begin to leak rather badly. Now, for example. Guess I'm going grocery shopping with my face covered in the salty water that the sadness machine inside of my head produces. Won't bother putting on underwear, either. What's the point in life anyway.