(first draft)
1. Do not date
2. If you disregard the rule above and date anyway, at least do not admit it to anyone
3. Especially not to yourself or to any common acquaintances of yours that happen to stumble upon you two in the middle of your non-date (instead ask them to join you for a drink)
4. If at a bar or coffee shop, it is fine to sit around for six hours spending 0,5€ (in total for you two)
5. If at your place, do not offer food or any beverages beyond the coffee or tea that you used to lure them into your apartment
6. If after several hours of applying rule five your date seems hungry, make it clear that you do not have any food in the fridge, then serve a chunk of cheese - it's not growing hair of its own, they are just imagining it, your cheese is always fresh and fine, darling, so watch them closely until they have eaten it all (any other leftovers from your fridge work just as fine, the cheese is purely an example)
7. There is no limit whatsoever to the distance you may expect them to go in order to date you; this applies both literally (hundreds of kilometres is basic if you have just started, thousands if it's been weeks already) and metaphorically (hanging out in 25 degrees below zero celsius for hours is no biggie)
I myself, naturally, never dated. See rule one for further reference.
(Okay, okay, see rule two.)
If there are any dating-related questions that have made your little minds twist and twirl in bewilderment, please let me know and I will be happy to post additional rules!
